we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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