he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
