This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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