the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
