I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
