oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
from now on my penis is your penis
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
