I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
