I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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