everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
