dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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