In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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