I didn't shave. On purpose
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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