I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
