I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
