a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
