Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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