the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
