If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
