I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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