Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
