sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
