Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
