I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
