Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
