your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think i got beer on your cat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
