Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we made out on top of his cat.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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