I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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