i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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