I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
