so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
