can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
