I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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