you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
