so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
