It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
