**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
