Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
