I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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