My sheets look like a crime scene.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
do nipples grow back?
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