do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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