Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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