Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
