when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize