So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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