wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
