So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
