My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
