i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
