I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My feet surprised me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
