Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
