She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
