I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
