He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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