So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
