What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
