Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
