I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
