Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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