he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
