Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
