You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
