Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
