Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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