I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
