Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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