if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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