I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
