i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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