When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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