so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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