So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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