is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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