I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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