I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I could fuck to npr.
I would ride that face into the sunset
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
