The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
